Wanderer and Wonderer...

 

There's a reason experts say you should travel. It's for sure to explore new places, have new experiences, and make memories. But lately with my recent travels I have realised it's mainly to meet you, explore yourself and find memories which were long lost. It seems crazy doesn't it? But to me this seems so true. I had always longed to travel. Even when I was a kid, I watched all the travel documentaries that used to come on Discovery. Lonely Planet was my favourite. Back then, I thought world has so much to give us and for us to explore. I was a kid in a small town hoping to be someone, hoping to visit everywhere. But I did not know this that it is not only to bring back something from all your travels but to leave some part of you behind. 

I went for a long vacation recently and I will cover that in my following blogs. But, I particularly want to talk about my recent visit to a small town in Ontario called Elora. It was almost 1.5 hours drive from Toronto. While avoiding the highways, we took more scenic route going via internal roads which opened us to the scenic beauty of Ontario. The lush green pastures, farming lands and huge houses. It was like going back in time and seeing something simple almost pure. The longing for such life overtakes your senses and in your mind you start living a simple but tedious farmer life. I would love to do that. I wish reality could be that pure and simple too.

After having a euphoric brunch at Gorge restaurant we headed to the city. A small downtown over a small stream and Gorge falls. the place was magical. It looked like those autumn cards where everything looks so serene and aesthetically pleasing. Small shops, supporting and promoting local business. There were old vintage shops selling clothes, house decorative items, books and what not. Oh the charm of these shops!

There was this shop where I spent so much time looking that I wanted to buy everything. It had vintage collection of decorative home items like English tea cups, tea posts, crystal items etc. While looking around my eyes went on painted tiles. And immediately I felt my mind left my body and went back in 1999. Reminded me of my school days when we painted tiles as part of SUPW. It was a memory almost lost to time. I was surprised that memory even was there in my conceince. Don’t know where it was hidden. I was so glad I found it. It made me wonder Canada has nothing in common with my home town then why visiting old towns and vintage stores, weather and even people reminded me of my childhood. I wonder…

While the thoughts were lingering I entered the second store. A vintage store again selling vintage items like posters, diaries, gems, jewellery etc. It was a huge shop.While figuring out which vintage poster would look best on my board, I saw a pocket compasses. Beautiful ones in all sizes. And just like that, my mind left my body again to 2005. It brought back emotions forgotten and suppressed.  I'd once gifted a compass to someone I knew in the 12th grade. I borrowed money from a classmate. It took me a while to return the money back. I bought it from a vintage store in Mussoorie. The memory just came back… just like that. Why? It wasn’t like I was trying to remember something. It made me think of time. How much time has passed or did it pass? Did after purchasing that watch in 2005, I had a dream that night and I am in Elora or did I in present travelled back in time and made it happen? It was so difficult to understand. Between the nostalgia, dream and some distant thoughts… I was stuck. 

I loved Physics as a kid. Of course, that time purely for the mysteries and academic reasons. But today it made me contemplate about time in a pholosphical sense. Memories like these when hit me, I feel so helpless and sad. Where did that time go? Have we moved extremely fast or more sadly so, moved very far? I missed my older self so badly. I could feel my heart ache thinking of the more simple and pure time.Where did it go? Where was it stored and why did it come back? 

In a distance I saw some trees turning yellow, orange and red. They were shedding off their leaves and were preparing to embrace the long cold Candian winters. It made me think, were they also nostalgic of the leaves they lost? Or were they just embracing the ebb and flow of time or were they dreaming about the new leaves they will get in the spring of 2024. One can only wonder. I could feel the evening air getting colder. It was time for me to head back home. 

Shooting Stars

There's wind blowing through my hair. The smell it is bringing is so luptuous and sinful. It lures me to the land above the ground and below the sky. The milky way, the stars, the light, the darkness... I am just travelling through time or maybe I am escaping it. The azure, the palette of my imagination is the only part purest in me. Colors here never fade. I can have my own world of laughter, love and joy. I can see everyone from here, how I want them to be. Here, there is no pause, just a symphony that falls like a waterfall... calm and then wild and calm again. Ahh! what a symphony of life.

There is a carnival here today. The void is lit by the stars and the chandelier is the moon. Everyone is dancing on this symphony. But I'm not. I am waiting for my heart to loose me and go where it belongs. I am looking for you. There are too many people enjoying the dance. My heart is racing fast as I can sense you near me. I know this is it. I know this is my destination and I will be home soon.

And there were you. Standing, looking at me with all the love in your heart. The coordinates of time have disappeared in oblivion. Why suddenly everyone near me have stopped dancing? Why are they looking at us? Were they rejoicing on us to meet? Yes! they were. This night is for us. This night which comes in a lifetime, is ours as we are about to fall in love. Do you realize, we have fallen in love? The way you look at me, my heart is pounding. I wish this night lasts forever.

And then you came close to me. I guess I am trembling. I can not feel any fiber of my body  except my heartbeat. As you approach, I feel my world approaching towards me. You are my world. Come fast, I fear the distance don't widen us apart. These dancing mannequin are trying to come between us, so walk fast. Now I can sense the fear in me- of loosing you and still you not close enough. But I have faith in you, you'll find a way to reach to me.

And look, here you are. Fighting all obstacles for me. I know you are tired. I know you are hurt cause you might have hurt someone dear. Just come to me, let me take you in my arms. Let me take all your pain and worries. I'll let all my happiness flow to you. I am holding you, close to my heart. And look, all those dancing people are going up in the sky... just like shooting stars...

The Open Road

I wana walk and not run. Running inflicts fear. Fear of past, fear of future, fear of falling.
Walking gives you time to sink in, time to  think and introspect. It gives you moments, moments free from all suffering, moments melting your skin, moments burning your heart. I wana walk for miles, on the road that lead to nowhere, a road that started from nowhere. The serenity of silence will be just for me. No one's there on that open road. Just me, moon, stars, wind and peace.

No one could understand you, but the road will. Staring up at the clear sky, talking to the stars. They know your story, they have watched over you for years... they will watch for few more. The road gives you assurance of being with you and lay even before you step on it.

I walked that road. The wind gushing in, crawls over my skin. It fills your lungs & you breathe- you breathe like never before. you feel free even when you are merely walking. Under the moonlight your vision is blur. To my right was a path filled with brown dried grass leading to a slope I did not know how deep was it but enough to know it can perish me. To my left was a small hill shining in all its glory. The ground which lead to it was spaced out. I could have gone their for a while, danced under the moonlight, imagined wind twirling with me too. Sky being my ceiling with light bulbs & crickets playing music. I should have done that. Damn!!!

Behind me was me. Me one step before, me before thousand steps.There was no one behind me, no past just that the coordinates of slope and hill had changed. It brought me to life that I have nothing behind. It is just forward I have to walk & walk forever. The wind was blowing on my face playing with my hair. The mystic fog around me was kissing away the tragedies. I was cold and chilly but the life of the wind, dried grass, stars moon, road... kept me warm.

BUBBLES

The bubbles had settled on the surface of water. The spectrum spread over the skin was a beauty in itself. How intresting & amazing it was to see a transparent ray flambyonting into various colors. Whichever angle you want to see it, its radiance and color flashes through every niche & glitters your eyes & widens your mind to a psychedelic world. I sat there watching the bubbles illuminating colors of life & dissloving again. The bursting of colors made me happy 'coz  then I again blew the trail of small & big ones. But then they made me sad too! Their alacrity lasted for a short while and the feeling that it once lived there made me want them to be rebrorn. I blewed & blewed with neverending longingness. It made me happy the circular globes were revolving around me. Sometimes globe of 2-3 may be 5 at times glued together. The hexagonal, orthagonal walls formed within were serene beauty of geometry I once studied.

That was life for me. Bubbles of emotions, bubbles of people, bubbles of ME. The bulk of emotions burst when it reaches its limit. The bubble of people who are hollow from inside. The bubble of me, which was bursting in and out at that moment. The sudden burst on my skin gave me a cool shudder. Making me realize how cold I was & how cold do I become when they burst. But honey in the rock was, they burst with a sound audible just to me & that the bubble drop dissolves in water from where it came. It merges as memory in the pool of mind--FOREVER.. 

Life

An amazing odyssey. The beauty of nature, the warmth in the smile of the sun, the coolness of the sea breeze, the dryness of the sand, the pattern of flower on the land, were baptizing my soul. I was hypnotized by the shades in the sky. The psychedelic colors were gushing through my senses and itching every vein in my body. The potent sun was rising up in all its glory. And there I was questioning myself- What life exactly is??

The space where I was coordinated with time was a vacuum. I became mentally challenged as I couldn't think beyond my magical affairs. I did not wanted myself, answering same to the same old questions. And I was watching intently at the waves which were so determined to get their answers on the shore. They came like swords & subdued like feather. Their cacophonic voice was resembling mine. Are they searching something or someone on the shore??

And then i saw a tiny ring, as if i was having an aerial view of a volcanic opening whose heart was burning to ejaculate its fury, but, the envelope of water and air around him, holded him firmly prohibiting him to erupt. Aah! what a serene beauty. The richness in the color(red) of the sun was the evidence of his power. There, he stands, all by himself- creating, dominating & destroying. The morning never felt so meaningful.

There on the edge just under the waking sun, I could see a boat. I thought a life must be there. The spectrum which was painted on the canvass of the alluring sky was aesthetic. The golden beam striking the surface of the sea, turned the layer into a molten silver sheet. Though it was blinding my vision yet i wanted to process that image for lifetime. And again getting back to my question- what life really is???

There were people with their families, people jogging, meditating, even budding love escaping the conventional eyes to embrace each other. But I was lost in the music of the waves, the burning of the sun & the oscillating boat. I was lost in nature. And suddenly, at a distance i saw you playing with bunch of kids in your crimson hooded jacket. You were into your game. I watched you play with a mellowed heart. You looked so content and happy. You knew in your sub- conscious brain that i was watching you. It was same, you as a furious sun enveloped inside my feminism of water. You stole a second from your game and looked at me. Can anything be more beautiful & spell bounding like your smile? The innocence in your look procrastinated my thoughts. The assurance shown through your grimace pulled me towards you. As we were forming nature in ourselves I was discovering life-- in YOU.

Illumination

The Sun sank somewhere in the sky. I opened my eyes to the darkness of the night.The coolness of the wind was subduing the dryness of my body. The current of the "kick" had not left me and I was happy about that. The destination was far ahead, the journey was peaceful.

Suddenly I saw a small flash zooping by my window. I gave it the frame of my "high" thought. But it happened again and again. It seemed to me as if my cab was running against several illuminating bulb arrows of an archer!!! Everything was dark, back and ahead of us( headlights restricted there beam to an extent). Then it happened again. This time i peeped out form the window and looked back, and i was zapped by the view. I asked driver to halt the car and prayed to freeze the world so i could look at the unmatched beauty. I felt as if i was possessed by a forest nymph. And this is what i saw. There were tiny little fireflies spread all over the dark field. For a moment i thought i was in the magic land of the elves. I could figure out that the fields were freshly ploughed for irrigating potatoes. And then there were trees who've been fixed there for ages. The bloom in the buds of trees was evident form the fragrance in the air. It was like an ethereal scent meant for Gods, and i was intoxicated by its aroma!!! It just added fuel to the fire of my elevated thoughts. The fireflies were like these small twinkling angels sent by Gods to beautify His path to us or vice versa. I saw a mango tree which was decorated with the illuminating bulbs. For a moment i thought that the tree is singing lullaby to them and these angels were holding up in air in sleep. The thought shifted to Diwali's decorated feast. I was happy there. Peaceful in such a bliss place.

I looked up & saw million stars staring at me. I told them that my 1st thought was the best one. It's God's secret path to Heaven and somehow i coordinated there. There were millions of fireflies elucidating near me in the field and trees. The fragrance was getting stronger as the time was passing by to greet the Gods. I thought is He gonna pass by me??? It filled ma veins with a chill of thrill. And then, the cool breeze passed through my hair whispering something. The soft voice near my face was singing and its alacrity could be felt all around me. He was there, i knew. Yet i saw no one, just the celestial beauty. The mosaic was still the same. Suddenly, my thoughts were shaken by the driver who was calling me back for our journey ahead. I turned around and sat in the car. I tried to recollect what i saw and what i thought. But i couldn't trace what was it( you know why!!!). The only thing i could remember was i saw God!!! Yes, i did... I saw God in NATURE.....

The Rain...

I walked out of the door
full of pain and rage...
was leaving behind my love and world
pushing myself in a grave cage...

i felt something pouring out of me...
not from eyes(may be from the heart)
i'm crying today on my own death...
yet standing out, on Earth's chart!!!

i stood dumb for a moment...
realizing i've lost everything!!!
i stiil stood like a cross..
myself stagnant, my past running...

suddenly i felt a droplet on my neck...
wondering that might be???
was it his sweat on my neck
or was it his tear valley...

i looked up to gain strength...
instead He was loosing more...
i was His favourite child...
through my life He explored!!!

my heart crumbled from inside...
i cried in sorrow and pain
He too was crying with me
mixing two liquids through RAIN!!!

i opened my arms to feel him
and took steps into my new life...
the next moment i was with Him...
i saw him crying on my body-now he had no choice...